First Thoughts, a colleague's draft

I am peer reviewing and my first reaction is that the idea of Manhatan is captured perfectly by what she mentions, broadway and food carts. I think that this essay is already headed in the right direction it just needs a different structure than questions. This is easy to do and will benefit the tone and voice of the essay in a major way.

First thoughts about my own draft

First of all it needs al to of trimming. I'm not sure how I am going to link it all together transition wise and that worries me. It definitely became contemplative and a string of stories. I also think I need to figure out if i'm going to write about barnstable or just cape cod in general

Baby Ipad

Wow. that spoke volumes. However I do not think the baby was conscious of the info she was processing. It was more of just a stimulation of sight when the iPad changed screens and flashed colors. I do not think the baby was actually using the iPad or the magazine for a task that it had in mind. It was just another toy. The fact that the baby has become coordinated enough at such a small age to have the fine motor function was astounding. It had an easier time using the iPad than it did turning the pages of a magazine.

A sentence starts out like . . .

A sentence starts out like a tadpole. It can grow through editing into a bullfrog. Then it is to be dressed by the writer. This is where the voice and tone are the accessories to your frog. Will your frog be dressed to impress? Suit tails and spats? Or is your frog in his night robe, smoking a pipe and contemplating the deep meaning of what it means to truly be a frog. Others frogs may intimidate yours, they could be armed, cutlass and pistol in hand, ready to duke it out with any other sentences. However; it is important to dress your frog appropriately, you wouldn't want him to croak.

Mike and Catherine's Blogs

Michael’s Blog

            Sweet. Couldn’t agree more. Has a great relaxed tone with an aggressive undertone that gives the “I don’t care what you think” look. The flow and transitions match perfectly with his personal reflection. He also (unintentionally) rips the points in Catherine’s Blog to shreds. He discusses fear as amotivator which is one of the primary building blocks of human nature

Catherine’s Blog

            I’m not sure that finding yourself through fear is the best idea. However it can be helpful to release emotions this way and this can calm those who lose sleep at night when their thoughts run never-ending circles around the inside of their skulls. This sample was obviously written by someone who has conflicting views to those around her and feels she might be judged due to her uncomfortableness in the essay. If you’re afraid to express yourself amongst friends maybe its time to find some new ones. 

Rediscovering Central Asia

All I could think the entire time I read was "Who cares?" Starr's writing was purely a flowery informative droll. Not only should he pride himself on his monotony but also in his ability to reach the same exact point  despite asking different questions. The whole essay was repetitive and didn't have any examples or exciting places to hold the readers attention. It was an essay that left the reader saying "oh. that's nice."

Home might be like . . .

Cape Cod might be like a civilization. Social hierarchy is rampant. The politicians, inheriting money from ancestors of crime and fame from assassination, the retired who drive slow just like they’re ways and the minorities, who the town tries to hide in affordable housing. That leaves your middle class, taxed enough to never be able to move up but making too much to ever move down. The children of these groups follow in the footsteps of those before them, Politicians daughters marry movie stars, The retiree’s children have kids of their own and the minorities’ kids grow up in a never ending cycle where they will never get anywhere due to their own chains of addiction and abuse. The children of the middle class run off Cape unless they to have fallen prey to the vices of self-indulgence.

Home is not like . . .

Cape Cod is not like a pristine beach. Our beaches when left untended are populated by blunt guts, needles and the occasional homeless man. It isn’t uncommon to find a dead fish or seal washed up on shore and even a human body isn’t that big a surprise. The tourists leave and the filth starts accumulating again left by your corrupt businessman, his nose powdered, when stopping with his mistress to take another hit or your homeboy wannabe in his blacked out suburban peddling pot to kids in middle school.

First thoughts (60 seconds)

Home is like the small pond that you'll always be the biggest fish in
Home is like the inside of an egg
Home is like a nest that will always have a meal despite some squawking
Home is like Home

Ink Shedding

In our current day and age we are connected in major way. Computers are now open to the internet and it's many different ways to share media. Facebook, Skype, and Twitter allow us to share media live and digitally. Although the sharer knows how he intended to use the media, the reader does not. The reader must decipher how the media aids in the sharers attempt to deliver his ideas. Sometimes ideas are more powerful when their writing space is known. Because technology is a part of us, many do not realize how it has effected our writing and shaped our ideas because they do not note that the writer has used technology as a part of their work for a reason and as a part of maybe even proving their point.

Chapter 3 Arguments

-Hypertext links info making digital text more versatile that print.
-Digital text has endless possibilities where as print can only go as far as the page
-Those that grow up texting and tweeting lack grammar and complete words when it comes to writing

Taylor Mali

performance and writing space can completely change the meaning of a text. For example, the sign "keep out" on a grouchy old neighbors pristine lawn just means he'll be pissed if you walk on his lawn. However that same sign "keep out" posted on a derelict fence outside a creepy abandoned farmhouse assumed to be haunted means if you go on that property you'll most likely be living a horror movie for the next 6 hours. The poem differs in its two recensions because on one hand this is a rant but it can also be performed for laughs. Spoken word can completely change the meaning of a text. For me, being an actor I can completely change tones on a certain line and change my character from a honest, sincere individual to a sarcastic jerk.

Group 1 Prezi

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Jaques Derrida

I am definitely afraid to write. Not like how Derrida has flashes when he is half in and out of sleep of wether it is appropriate to criticize a certain idea or topic. My fear comes of wether I am answering the prompt correctly. If I write long enough without checking back to make sure I am answering the question correctly, my writing just goes off topic in a major way. However this is predictable because Derrida is a professional writers who has to keep a base of people in order to read his work unlike I who has to write to a prompt for class. The main difference is he can write about whatever he wants where I am stuck writing specifically to a certain topic.

Groups 2&3 Main Arguments

Group 2
-Technology still contains heart and soul from earlier writing
-Writing technology always evolves but keeps some of the previous parts(I'm still a little confused by this)
-The Apple 1984 commercial was awesome and summed up what the mac has done perfectly, a great connection

Group 3
-Computers have infinite possibilities in editing
-Computers are flexible and interactive
-Still have physical interactions with computer
-Writing technology is an agent of change, each new technology creates competition

John Edgar Wideman

Well what he read was very powerful and I could only marvel at his structure of writing. The dated events that alternated between the two different viewpoints of white and black was like watching a Quentin Tarantino film where the vents are all jumbled. It didn't help that his voice was a la Morgan Freeman. Having said this I just came off a whole year of white vs. black racist literature so I am racismed out. His tie into the modern situation of the black father defending his son was a great connection to today and a reminder that racism is still a major issue.

Commercial rewrites and Dead Book and Divorce

AT&T Commercial

Hansel and Gretel are in the city which is necessary to the understanding of this commercial. They do not look like they belong. Lederhosen in the city? That’s not feasible. A cop would stop them since the way they are dressed and being unsupervised if this was reality. After Gretel drops the bread, it is instantly devoured by the environment. The pigeons daintily eat the bread, which would not happen if Hansel and Gretel were in the forest where they belong with birds that would scoff up any errant morsel. There are no sewer grates for the bread to be lost down in the forest either.

 The fairy tale has been totally removed from context by at&t to prove a point. In the original fairy tale the bread is lost and they arrive at the gingerbread house with the witch who plans on eating Hansel. The AT&T cell phone saves the duo from this doom in the commercial hence changing the entire fairy tale. AT&T shows through this commercial that it can help avoid a cell phone user becoming lost most of all, but also the ability to steer them clear of potential danger. This commercial is about selling a new network by playing on the defenselessness of children.

Pantene Observation

The most striking observation of this commercial is the repaired violin.  In reality a broken violin would hardly make any noise when played. However in this commercial, the viewers are led to believe that it creates the sound of a whole orchestra when played. The deaf girl repairing the violin in order to carry out her desire to play is a scene that shows her dedication. The violin symbolizes the beauty of perseverance.

The deaf girl plays a beautiful piece on an instrument that has been reduced to scrap wood and packing tape.  Although it is up to the beholder whether there is actually music or not, the reaction of the crowd suggests there is. Why would they clap for a deaf girl who plays a piece on an instrument that makes no noise? The broken violin influences the commercial by showing that the impossible can be reality. A deaf girl receiving a standing ovation for playing on a reincarnated instrument is an improbable situation. The deaf girl winning a huge musical competition with a salvaged violin is a fairy tale story that would not hold the same impression if the broken violin was absent. Pantene tries to make this impression in order to sell their hair product.

Heineken Observation

One of the central observations that can be made of this commercial is the difference in views of men vs. women. This commercial is geared towards men in a major way. Not only was this commercial shown mostly on sports networks but the frames of the men screaming are the punch line. The shots of them screaming in enjoyment at having the walk-in closet converted into a walk in Heineken refrigerator creates the part of the commercial that grabs the attention of the audience.

A common dream among men is endless alcohol. Previous to the climax, the shot of the women screaming over the shoes and clothes is a biased view of how women react in your average department store. The commercial makes the connection between women screaming and men screaming by comparing clothes and Heineken. This commercial biases and skips the population of men who obsess over clothes and women who worship booze. This commercial is designed to sell Heineken to a certain audience by comparing men to women. Do women appreciate such a commercial?

Kia Analysis

This whole commercial is about connecting with a certain audience. That audience is definitely the 18 to 26 year old college student. Many current fads are being addressed in this commercial. The first is the whole space age/ videogame war genre. The commercial opens up with a war torn crater, filled with battling robots underneath their ships circling above. Many contemporary movies and games are filled with violence and fiction. The second connection with the college audience is the music. This is a current popular party song and is reinforced by the hamsters’ outfits. However, Kia does not stop there, another element had to be added in order to carry this commercial into an eye-snatching ad.

 The hamsters dance. Actually they dance pretty well. This ridiculous combination is laugh out loud funny. The current web generation loves to laugh. The videos with the most hits on YouTube often tend to be the funniest; in fact there is a whole category devoted to funny videos. Not only is this commercial funny but also it has a happy ending. The hamsters bringing peace across the galaxy reminds the viewer of our troops coming home from over seas. This commercial is catered in every way to the college audience by playing on current topics in order to sell a car.

In the “Dead Book”, Jane Churchon’s detached and distant voice lends remoteness to the essay. Although many parts seem particularly heartless there is one that trumps them all. When the doctors lift the bodies from one shelf to another “it is like seeing a white plastic bag perform ballet” (Churchon, 30) This reference occurs about two thirds of the way through the essay at the end of a paragraph. This is a phrase that initially makes the reader smile at the comparison but subsequently has to rush to the bathroom to hurl. The upset body is suspended in the air by straps and metal hooks, parts of the body “sag in the white bag” (30) What a nightmarish experience to be privy to.

            Do you remember what’s in that white bag? Can you see it in your minds eye, “dancing” it’s way through the air, up to it’s new drawer, where many have resided after making the same dance? What happens to the bodies too big and flabby to raise, those who don’t fit in the straps? Are they more graceful in death? What about those who slip out of the rings and have to be lowered down to be readjusted? Would you ever want that job? Do you want to be the lift operator? How would you sleep at night after being privy to such a ballet? How would you run from that memory? Would you purge it? Think of daffodils and butterflies instead of the cold steel, cold bag, cold drawer and cold body? How could you deal with that visual memory every time you shut your eyes?

Brian Doyle’s “Irreconciliable Dissonance” is peppered by metaphors such as “you wonder what the iceberg was under that surface you know?” (Doyle 34) It is quite effective in its own right. Doyle also references a woman divorces her husband after he makes a joke about peeing on fire hydrants, which seems a little extreme.

            Obviously this act was the last straw, leaving the reader to wonder what truly was the iceberg under the surface. This metaphor is also strategically placed at the end of a paragraph. It is the summit of many bizarre divorce stories  and it almost makes you laugh because of the tongue in cheek tone that has been slowly emerging up to this point, this metaphor is used completely to lighten the mood before the essay becomes serious and damaging.